Are You smarter than a Prostitute?

Well, I know you all took the poll and voted to read "Ice Cream Paint job" as the next entry, but I wanted more time to prepare my thoughts. So I decided to write this one. Now I'm sure you all are wondering from the title, "Everyone is smarter than prostitutes, DUH!!!" However this is NOT TRUE!!! There are people on this planet called Earth that are NOT smarter than a Prostitute....

DO YOU ALL WANT TO GUESS WHO THESE PEOPLE COULD BE???

Well, these people are none other than our well known, been around the block, inhumane SHONES! Yes, I said it shones are not smarter than Prostitutes. I know you are thinking like Dang how could a Prostitute be smarter than a shone, but no worries because I will be sure to inform you. Because you know the ArchiFord serves to entertain, yet EDUCATE society on some of the atrocities that exist such as shones.

(***DISCLAIMER: IT HAS ALSO BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SPECULATING AS TO WHAT MY OBSESSION IS WITH SHONES! I DO NOT, I REPEAT, I DO NOT HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH SHONES! HOWEVER, SHONES ARE TRYING TO TAKE OVER OUR CAMPUS.. I HAVE ENCOUNTERED NUMEROUS SHONES ON THIS CAMPUS WHO HAVE MANIPULATED THEIR WAYS IN, WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING.. ITS TIME TO TAKE ACTION AND PUT THESE SHONES IN THE PLACES THEY BELONG! ***)

Ok now that that is over we can get back to our discussion of shones and prostitutes.

SHONES V. PROSTITUTES:

• BOTH ARE VERY PROMISCUOUS: OF COURSE WE ARE ALL AWARE HOW PROMISCUOUS AND SEXUAL BOTH OF THESE TYPES OF INDIVIDUALS CAN BE.
• SHONES ARE OPPORTUNIST: THEY DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO TO GET WHAT THEY WANT. THEY DO NOT CARE WHO THEY HAVE TO USE, ABUSE, OR MANIPULATE TO GET WHAT THEY WANT. THEY ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR WAYS TO ADVANCE.
  
• PROSTITUTES ARE ENTREPRENEURS: PROSTITUTES ARE ALL ABOUT MARKETING THEIR PRODUCT AND GETTING THE HIGHEST BIDDER. THESE INDIVIDUALS ARE BUSINESS PEOPLE. THEY ARE ALWAYS THINKING IN TERMS OF THEIR ASSETS AND ACQUIRING MORE.
• THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE & THE BIGGEST FACTOR THAT ENABLES SHONES TO BE VIEWED AS DUMB WHEN COMPARED TO PROSTITUTES... IS THE FACT THAT PROSTITUTES GET PAID FOR WHAT THEY DO. Shones give up the goods for FREE! I mean you could say they may be getting attention or food or maybe even positions but prostitutes are making $$$$$$. Prostitutes may be a lot of things but at least they get paid for the dirty work they do. They are all about their money and no one messes with their money!

Shones, who are already viewed as low and inhumane creatures on this Earth, should strive to be more like prostitutes. Instead of actually giving it up to every person you have ever encountered on this campus, you should go on the corner of Gale Lemerand & Museum around Midnight and sell your services. At least get paid for ALL the dirty work you have been doing for 19 years of your life for free. But remember to make the money and to not let the money make you!

The Scarlet Letter

The Scarlet Letter- 'S'

The entry will not only be informative about our reason epidemic "The Shone," but it will also be educational. Okay so I am not sure if you all are familiar with the story "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne, but this is what the basis for this entry. I don't know about you all, but in high school I was forced to read this book, and I wasn't rather interested in this story. However, I have a new appreciation for this story and what it stands for. Okay so here is a brief summary:

It tells the story of Hester Prynne, who gives birth after committing adultery and struggles to create a new life of repentance and dignity. Throughout the novel, Hawthorne explores themes of sin and guilt. In the novel, Hester is led from the town prison with her infant daughter in her arms and on the breast of her gown "a rag of scarlet cloth" that "assumed the shape of a letter." It was the uppercase letter "A". The Scarlet Letter "A" represents the act of adultery that she has committed and it is to be a symbol of her sin—a badge of shame—for all to see.

Okay so now you are wondering, how does this tie to anything? Or maybe you have already figured out the correlation I am making?

Well after thinking about this whole shone thing, I realized that shones get off too easy by merely referring to as shones. The reasons I feel this way is as follows:

1. The term shone has such a positive connotation to it. Shone is a nice word. More harsher terms should be used to refer to people of this caliber.
2. Shones have no shame in their reputations. Shones are almost inhumane. They accept there fate and just live there lives as habitual liars and shones.

So I was thinking that we as concerned citizens should take strides to help these shones face their problems and concerns. One way in which we can accomplish this task is by forcing shones to admit to their identity of Habitual, poor character having shones. I feel that we need to coerce shones to stand on scaffolds on the Set with Scarlet Letters. Hester Prynne was forced to do the same back in the day, and I feel that this would solve numerous problems for the community. Shones would be forced to wear the Scarlet Letter of 'S' while standing on a pedestal on The Set.

This action would be taking a proactive stance against Shonery. This event would serve numerous purposes:

• Identification: Like the easy button, this scarlet letter will enable individuals to easily identify who is a shone, so other people can run away from them.
• Embarrassment: This action could also cause some shones (not all) to feel remorse, regret and embarrassment for their unconstitutional actions. Public humiliation will be evident.
  
• Reunion: Individuals who have all encountered these shones at some point in their lives would be invited to this event. This would enable networking and reflections to occur about these disgusting shones.
• Payback: Individuals who have been hurt, offended, or misled by these shones will have the opportunity to come to The Set and throw rocks, stones, holy water, or whatever else they deem necessary (I would encourage holy water because these people need Jesus!).
  

So concerned citizens, please join me in my efforts to end this epidemic. We all must do our part to end this mess. Believe me! We all know a shone or two, and its our duty to seek help for them. You never know, the person you ride in the car with could be a shone!

That was EASY!!!!

I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with the "easy button." These easy buttons can be purchased at a local Staples store or on staples.com. The purpose of the buttons is to identify something as being easy and not very difficult.

Now that you all know some brief background on this product, I will now show you the correlation between this product and shoning. As we all know shoning is an epidemic, that is surrounding us all. We can not be naive about this condition because people are shoning all around. We also know that Shone/Swine Flu is also taking over the world. So if you know that someone is in fact a SHONE, then stay far, far, far away from them because you WILL get "the SWINE!"

Ok so now that I have updated you all on all of the old news we can now discuss the easy button. Shones these days need to be mandated by law to carry an easy button with them at all times! It is UNCONSTITUTIONAL for these inhumane individuals to walk around and mislead innocent people. The easy buttons would serve numerous purposes:

• Networking- Shones with these buttons can network and discuss individuals who they have encountered on their journey to Shonedom.
  
• Identification- Innocent individuals will be able to easily identify those people who are shones and should not be messed with.
  
• Acknowledgment- Individuals with these buttons are acknowledging the fact that they are easy individuals, who will give it up to any one.

So if any of you know any shones, please feel free to provide them with an easy button, because that is just what they are, EASY!!! Whenever you encounter a shone, all you have to do is go push the button and it will respond with "That was easy!" Feel free to call the police if you feel that there are shones attempting to perpetrate and deny their shonery. Remember the first step is Denial, so they will deny being a shone. However, actions speak louder than words. Also, remember you cannot turn a ho (shone) into a housewife. So if you find a shone, run the other way, but only after you press their easy button.

SWINE- SHONE FLU???

IS IT SWINE FLU OR SHONE FLU?

As you all are aware the newest epidemic that has been spreading lately is Swine Flu. There have been outbreaks all over the world with this condition. The University of Florida has even projected that almost half of the school could get infected. This is crazy! After much deliberation, thought, and research I have concluded that Swine Flu is related with Shonery.

Now I know you are asking "How can this disease from a pig be related with Shoning?"

And no I'm not saying the pigs are shoning!

What I am saying is that the numerous outbreaks of Swine flu are associated with Shoning.

SO I KNOW YOU ASK, WELL HOW IS THAT TRUE?

Well my people, as we all know Shones are quite promiscuous people who tend to frolic or shall I say mess/fool/ kick it with A LOT of different people for different reasons. Shones are also known to give up the goods whenever necessary to whoever is available. With these transactions come the spreading of germs and diseases like Swine flu.

Example of the Contamination: One shone gets swine flu and sleeps with Person A thru Y (The shone doesn't like Z's). Person A thru Y gets infected with Swine Flu all because of ONE SHONE!!!

This doesn't make since, SHONES CANNOT BE IN CONTROL OF THIS EPIDEMIC! If shones would stop shoning, accept the fact that they are a shone, and receive proper help for their condition, then the WORLD would be a better place.

SO here are some last minute words of advice:
1. KEEP YOUR HAND SANITIZER READY!
2. DO NOT BE IN CLOSED ROOMS WITH SHONES (THEY MAY HAVE SWINE FLU!)
3. MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO NOT MESS WITH A SHONE, THEY WILL INFECT YOU!!!