After a month long hiatus, The ArchiFord is back with:
The ArchiFord's Ten Tips to remember for the Holidays!!!
- Shones on the PROWL- Tis the season to be a shone! Shones are always looking for new victims, so beware! Christmas time is their peak time to get out and explore their hometowns. Remember to not be swindled into thinking that the shone really wants you because the odds are that the shone is looking for a hometown replacement. Shones are always feenin for some and they will do whatever it takes to get what they want. "They dont care what they mama say they gonna SHONE!" Also beware because shones are appearing in different forms nowadays. You think you know your typical shone, but these shones are getting bold [messing with friends in the same circle, shoning during daytime hours, also being proud of their titles], SO BEWARE.
- Prostitution is an option- Tis the season to make some money. As you know the expenses that can be incurred during the holidays can send you in a financial hole. Well here is an option for you to get through the holidays without being broke: PROSTITUTION!. Ladies remember that you are sitting on a pot of gold [WELL MOST OF YOU, BECAUSE SOME OF YOU ARE SITTING ON RUSTY COPPER!]. SELL WHAT YOU GOT AND MAKE SOME MONEY. Now fellas dont think we cant make a quick buck for what we do... We can make bank as well. Start chargin these shones admission. WHY give it up for free when you an make some easy paper while you are at it [all u gotta do is lay on your back or get on your knees and some of you are quite good at that]. So next time you are looking at your credit card bill from Christmas purchases, and dont know how your gonna pay the bill, then consider selling something.
- Become Boo-less Soon- Tis the season to be SINGLE. This is not the time to try to get booed up. Boos=Money!!! We do not want to spend money on a boo during this time of the year. So here is some advice if you have been dating someone for less than a month, then they do not deserve a gift and yall may want to break up and rekindle after the holidays. Now I'm not discouraging having a boo, im jus sayin they come with a price tag. So to recap: do not get a boo until after the holidays because thet might expect a gift.
- Bake some cakes- Tis the season to be Betty Crocker/Duncan Hines. Everyone knows that they enjoy themselves some good cake. Well the holidays are the best time to get your caking game up. This is the season in which sexting may be considered appropriate. Do what you have to do to get you through your lonely, single holiday at home with your family.
- Reciprocity is NEEDED- Tis the season to give but ALSO Receive. Everyone knows that it is always better to give than to receive. Well, there needs to be an even exchange at all times during the holidays. Too many people just give, give, give, and get absolutely nothing in return. That is unconstitutional and that is what I like to call a free loader, user and abuser. Do not get yourself caught up with people who will just use you to get what they want. Make sure that the rules of reciprocity are met at all times. Shones are good at being users. Do not become another tick mark on there long list of victims.
- Returns & Exchanges- Tis the season to get what you really want. Okay everyone knows that over the holidays we all receive some gifts that are just uncouth, uncivilized, cheap, and unconstitutional. You all can do two things with these unwanted gifts: 1. Return or exchange them to the store to get something else or get some money. 2. Keep the gift, and wrap it up and give it back to the person who gave it to you. I like option two because people need to realize that they shouldnt give crappy gifts. If at all else fails, get a gift card or cash is always good.
- Dont Wait. Initiate- Tis the season to make some moves. The holidays always tend to bring out the best in everyones attitudes. You may have had your eyes on a particular person, but didn't want to pursue them just yet. Well this season is the perfect opportunity to stop waiting and actually initiate some communication with this prospective mate. However, before making moves, make sure that you have done your research and that this person is no UCS [undercover shone]. UCS' are running rampant this days, and they would like nothing better than to taint the lives of another innocent bystander. Further more, begin some pursuits so that you can have a Valentine's Day boo.
- Save your Money- Tis the season to be cheap. So I really do not like the word cheap. It has such a negative connotation. So instead we shall use financially conscious. Its okay to be this way. Some people just do not deserve your money. Shones are not worthy being taken to the movies, get a bootleg for they ass. Shones do not deserve the nice restaurants, take them to Micky D's for food. You get the drift do not waste money on someone that is not serious about you. Just give them the physical or sexual acts they want and keep it moving. Do not waste cash on them.
- You can Run, but you cant hide- Tis the season to be proud of the real YOU. Many people go back home for the holidays; a place where everyones reputations are still left in tact [Unless you were even a bigger shone back home]. Shones are able to get away from there tainted image for a couple of weeks, however, people will begin to see through you and determine your shonedom. People beware of shones when you go home, they will try to claim monogamy but they are far from that.
- New Year's Resolutions are not real- Tis the season to cut the crap. Majority of people will welcome the new year with fake resolutions. "I am going to lose weight!" "I am going to be a nicer person!" "I am going to stop being a shone!" NO YOU ARE NOT, CUT THE CRAP. Stop making unrealistic statements be true to yourself. If you know that you have been trying to lose weight for 5 years, then just let yourself gone. Like Drake said you are So Far Gone. If you are not known to be nice, then it is not the time to try to change. It has taken 20 years to mold yourself into the mean person you are. Do not try to change you, just perfect yourself. Last but not least, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO STOP SHONING. It is a biological condition that is specific for you. Once a shone always a shone. You can not change who you are. Shones have never been able to keep their clothes on, so do not try to pretend now.
