History!!

Well, I felt there was no better time than now to discuss History. As you all know we will be kicking Black History Month off on Monday!

Side Note: UF's Black History Monthy Opening Ceremonies is on Monday, Feb. 1st, 2010 at 7pm in the Rion Ballroom. Semi-Formal Attire. Free Food. Be there!

Okay, so February is 28 days of reflection, remembrance, and dedication to those who have paved the way. BHM is a time to recognize Legends such as MLK Jr, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, and Barack Obama to name a few. However, it has come to peoples attention that some people in Alachua Countyare trying to go down in history themselves. These individuals are those who have been found to be on the 6+ plan.

Every persons goal when enrolling in college should be to get a GREAT education, and GRADUATE in 4 years (5 years if you engineering or there are some circumstances that permit 5 yrs). However some individual just want to go down in history for the longest tenure as a UF student. Dont get me wrong if you love being here and seeing everyone else graduate then by all means go for it. I know some of you may be wondering why people feel the need to stay at UF for so long:

1. No LIFE: Some people have been at UF for so long that they know nothing else but UF. There is a world outside of UF. Alachua County is only a small entity to the real world. Please try to actually live your life. Idk if people feel like UF will fall apart if they leave it, but I promise you, it wont.
   
2. Not READY: Some just may not be ready for the real world, so they would rather hold out as long as possible. MAN UP and take care of yours! Apart of maturing and becoming an adult is taking care of business.
   
3. Likes SHONING: Some people stay around for way too long because they like to prey on the innocent freshmen. Of course the freshman wont know that they have been at UF for 6 years now. Like I have stated before there isnt any agr limit on shoning. WHat these people dont realize is that they are so many more options of prey outside of UF, so leave already.

There is also the problem of not knowing if people actually graduated.

If we have to wonder whether or not you have actually graduated or if you just walked at graduation, then THAT IS A MAJOR PROBLEM.
This wouldnt be a problem if you would stay out of Undergrad affairs. Why are people still involved with UF Politics after they supposedly graduated. Go get a job, go to grad school, pick up a trade, do something rather than staying up to dtae on the UF Happenings. Maybe its just me but, what kind of example are you setting when you preach to graduate and do something with your life, when you have supposedly graduated but are constantly around doing nothing. Hmm, perhaps you shoudl practice what you preach! Just a suggestion.

Okay,well Im done with this now. The point of this is to not go down in history for the worng reasons. History is so important to our culture, so dont add negativity to it.

HOES! HOES! HOES!

This has been a hot topic for some time now. But I want to know how you all feel about this topic.

CAN YOU TURN A HOE INTO A HOUSEWIFE?

A recent BMDI (Black Male Development Initiative) Session on "What Makes a Hoe," I really began to ponder whether this statement is true or false. Now lets first define a hoe. A hoe and a shone are very similar and these terms are interchangeable (Shone just has a nicer connotation).

Hoe: n. A male or female that has no respect or regard for their body, and participates in numerous, promiscuous sexual activities in small period of time.

So now, I ask YOU again, CAN YOU CHANGE A HOE?

• Yes: Hoes are moldable and flexible individuals (no pun intended) at certain ages of their life. They can be easily influenced and will often times listen to the opinion of others if it will have some benefit for them. The older a hoe gets the more mature they will become and the more likely they will be to change their ways. Some people just have bad periods in their lives in which they may have felt vulnerable, lonely, and depressed and may have turned to shoning around for comfort. However, it is likely that if you get a hoe and want to wife her up, then she could change her ways. Most hoes just want to feel needed and wanted, so if you invest your time in them, then they could possibly change. When trying to change a hoe, you may want to have a S.I (Shone Intervention), and actually sit down with them and go over the ways in which they are a shone, ane the ways that they can improve.
• No: Once a hoe, always a hoe! Many people will agree that you cannot change a hoe into a housewife. Being a hoe can be viewed as a biological and psychological problem. People become hoes because of the environments in which they were raised in. For example, lets say you were raised by your single, promiscuous mother. You were probably raised to believe that it was okay to have different type of men coming in and out of your life. Your hoedom is hereditary, and may not be your complete fault.You could psychological believe you are a hoe. Some people have so many different sexual experiences that they begin to accept their role/title as hoe, and really convince themself that they are a hoe. Individuals who had inherited Hoe traits or tendencies, or individuals who have cognitively and psychologically accepted the title of HOE are hard to change. It is very difficult to change 10-15 years of Hoedom. It just won't happen. So why waste your time, energy, and effort trying to change a hoe.

Let's face the facts: Half of ALL African-Americans will marry a HOE! Yep I said it! 50% of us will marry a hoe!I know this may be shocking to some of you but this statement is so true. As you all know, or maybe not, once we all graduate from undergrad after 4 or 5 years (some people are on the 6+ plan, but I wont get on that), we will enter a new stage in our life. This new stage could be a career, grad or professional school, or internships. Once we arrive at this new destination, we will have a clean slate. No one will know that in college you were the UF Hoe. No one will know that you messed with Three best friends. No one will know that you messed with 8 people in less than a semester. No one will know! So you have the opportunity to be pure. Take advantage of this, and change your lifestyle.

S.I and no I'm not talking about Sports Illustrated

When you hear the acronym S.I. I am sure the first thing that comes to mind is Sports Illustrated. However, when The ArchiFord refers to S.I. we are discussing "Shone Interventions."

Hmmm, so you may be thinking, okay I know what a Shone is, and I know what intervention means, but what is a shone intervention?

Shone Intervention: A shone intervention is an orchestrated attempt by one, or often many, people (usually family and friends) to get someone to seek professional help with there conniving, manipulative, or shoning ways.

Ways to conduct a S.I.?

• Closed Setting: Contrary to popular belief, not all Shones are proud of their notoriety or title; some shones are ashamed, while others love the fame. Although you shouldnt respect shones for their dirty ways, you should try to be nice to these people by giving them a closed intervention if requested. The set (the old-turlington or the new-3rd Floor of the CSAI) would not be a goo dlocation to host these SI's. The reitz has meeting rooms that could be reserved or even use the IBC. We should utilize what ever resources we can to make a closed, comfortable setting for these shones.
  
• Town Forum: Some big-name shones need to sit in the Hot Seat. A fish bowl exercise would be perfect for this (A fish bowl is when a person or a group of people sit inside a circle of people). This type of SI would be used for shones that have repetitively and negatively impacted the lives of numerous people in a short period of time. Do not feel the need to go easy of these manipulative shones, they need to know that the entire UF COMMUNITY knows about there malicious actions. These SIs can occur on the set, perhaps bring the scaffold and Scartlet letter while your at it, or in any open space on campus.

****I've realized that Shones can now be found in all shapes, sizes, forms, and ages. There is no defintite type of shone. Shones also have no age restriction, they will mess with ANYONE! Don't be fooled by the fact that they may be senior and claim that they would NEVER mess with a freshman, because they are clearly lying. Age aint nothing but a number for them, and they will get it from whoever will give it.

Why a SI is important?

• Clear the Air: It is helpful to let shones know exactly how you feel. It is not cool to have some shone walking around thinking that you are a friend or advocate. Please let these shones know that they are disgusting and that you despise their existence (maybe this sounds too extreme but it could happen).
• Confirmation: At a SI you should always provide facts, dates, names, incidents with the shone, so they are informed that you KNOW ALL. You can't con a con, so dont try to get over on people, becuase normal people tend to be quite smarter than shones. Whats done in the dar comes to light eventually, so a SI would lead to confirmation of facts.
• Therapeutic: There is no better feeling than that of telling a shone everything that has been on your mind for some time. You feel relieved once you let the shone know that they are inhumane and frankly you dont like them.
  

Ten Tips to remember for the holidays!

After a month long hiatus, The ArchiFord is back with:

The ArchiFord's Ten Tips to remember for the Holidays!!!

1. Shones on the PROWL- Tis the season to be a shone! Shones are always looking for new victims, so beware! Christmas time is their peak time to get out and explore their hometowns. Remember to not be swindled into thinking that the shone really wants you because the odds are that the shone is looking for a hometown replacement. Shones are always feenin for some and they will do whatever it takes to get what they want. "They dont care what they mama say they gonna SHONE!" Also beware because shones are appearing in different forms nowadays. You think you know your typical shone, but these shones are getting bold [messing with friends in the same circle, shoning during daytime hours, also being proud of their titles], SO BEWARE.
2. Prostitution is an option- Tis the season to make some money. As you know the expenses that can be incurred during the holidays can send you in a financial hole. Well here is an option for you to get through the holidays without being broke: PROSTITUTION!. Ladies remember that you are sitting on a pot of gold [WELL MOST OF YOU, BECAUSE SOME OF YOU ARE SITTING ON RUSTY COPPER!]. SELL WHAT YOU GOT AND MAKE SOME MONEY. Now fellas dont think we cant make a quick buck for what we do... We can make bank as well. Start chargin these shones admission. WHY give it up for free when you an make some easy paper while you are at it [all u gotta do is lay on your back or get on your knees and some of you are quite good at that]. So next time you are looking at your credit card bill from Christmas purchases, and dont know how your gonna pay the bill, then consider selling something.
   
3. Become Boo-less Soon- Tis the season to be SINGLE. This is not the time to try to get booed up. Boos=Money!!! We do not want to spend money on a boo during this time of the year. So here is some advice if you have been dating someone for less than a month, then they do not deserve a gift and yall may want to break up and rekindle after the holidays. Now I'm not discouraging having a boo, im jus sayin they come with a price tag. So to recap: do not get a boo until after the holidays because thet might expect a gift.
   
4. Bake some cakes- Tis the season to be Betty Crocker/Duncan Hines. Everyone knows that they enjoy themselves some good cake. Well the holidays are the best time to get your caking game up. This is the season in which sexting may be considered appropriate. Do what you have to do to get you through your lonely, single holiday at home with your family.
   
5. Reciprocity is NEEDED- Tis the season to give but ALSO Receive. Everyone knows that it is always better to give than to receive. Well, there needs to be an even exchange at all times during the holidays. Too many people just give, give, give, and get absolutely nothing in return. That is unconstitutional and that is what I like to call a free loader, user and abuser. Do not get yourself caught up with people who will just use you to get what they want. Make sure that the rules of reciprocity are met at all times. Shones are good at being users. Do not become another tick mark on there long list of victims.
   
6. Returns & Exchanges- Tis the season to get what you really want. Okay everyone knows that over the holidays we all receive some gifts that are just uncouth, uncivilized, cheap, and unconstitutional. You all can do two things with these unwanted gifts: 1. Return or exchange them to the store to get something else or get some money. 2. Keep the gift, and wrap it up and give it back to the person who gave it to you. I like option two because people need to realize that they shouldnt give crappy gifts. If at all else fails, get a gift card or cash is always good.
   
7. Dont Wait. Initiate- Tis the season to make some moves. The holidays always tend to bring out the best in everyones attitudes. You may have had your eyes on a particular person, but didn't want to pursue them just yet. Well this season is the perfect opportunity to stop waiting and actually initiate some communication with this prospective mate. However, before making moves, make sure that you have done your research and that this person is no UCS [undercover shone]. UCS' are running rampant this days, and they would like nothing better than to taint the lives of another innocent bystander. Further more, begin some pursuits so that you can have a Valentine's Day boo.
   
8. Save your Money- Tis the season to be cheap. So I really do not like the word cheap. It has such a negative connotation. So instead we shall use financially conscious. Its okay to be this way. Some people just do not deserve your money. Shones are not worthy being taken to the movies, get a bootleg for they ass. Shones do not deserve the nice restaurants, take them to Micky D's for food. You get the drift do not waste money on someone that is not serious about you. Just give them the physical or sexual acts they want and keep it moving. Do not waste cash on them.
   
9. You can Run, but you cant hide- Tis the season to be proud of the real YOU. Many people go back home for the holidays; a place where everyones reputations are still left in tact [Unless you were even a bigger shone back home]. Shones are able to get away from there tainted image for a couple of weeks, however, people will begin to see through you and determine your shonedom. People beware of shones when you go home, they will try to claim monogamy but they are far from that.
   
10. New Year's Resolutions are not real- Tis the season to cut the crap. Majority of people will welcome the new year with fake resolutions. "I am going to lose weight!" "I am going to be a nicer person!" "I am going to stop being a shone!" NO YOU ARE NOT, CUT THE CRAP. Stop making unrealistic statements be true to yourself. If you know that you have been trying to lose weight for 5 years, then just let yourself gone. Like Drake said you are So Far Gone. If you are not known to be nice, then it is not the time to try to change. It has taken 20 years to mold yourself into the mean person you are. Do not try to change you, just perfect yourself. Last but not least, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO STOP SHONING. It is a biological condition that is specific for you. Once a shone always a shone. You can not change who you are. Shones have never been able to keep their clothes on, so do not try to pretend now.
    

*** This blog was inspired by Miss B Mart***

Lucky Charms

Before I get into my new entry: Lucky Charms, I want you all to make sure you read my new additional commandment on the entry below. As time goes on, more and more commandments will exist, so stay tuned. Ok, so onto the new entry. As you all know, I am still steering away from SHONING!!! I know tear drop!! But dont worry it will be back soon, because there is always some shone to speak about. Now onto Lucky Charms.

So I'm sure all of you are familiar with the cereal Lucky Charms. Well this entry will take a new twist on this magically delicious treat. As you all know the cereal is composed of frosted oats and colored marshmallows. These marshmallows are all different forms of treasure, and with treasures you know comes a rainbow. And as the saying going "there is always treasures lying on the other end of the rainbow."

The focus of this entry will focus on this desired treasure that we obtain. This treasure is our Lucky Charms and we often times locate a pot of gold. This pot of gold has numerous meanings to it.

A we all now we are in a recession nowadays. This pot of gold could really come in handy, don't you think? Especially since we are getting toward the end of the semester and our financial aid money is almost gone. Well no fear FEMALES, because this pot of gold is always with you [Sorry to my males, but we don't have a pot of gold]. Females you have the power to control your own destiny. If you all want something at some point, then all you all have to do is go get it. You have the power in most situations!

I came up with this pot of gold theory from a friend of mine. The theory is basically saying that at the end of the day you [females] are sitting on a pot of gold, so use what you got. If you are ever hungry, need an outfit for a big event BHM or Blackout Weekend, tired of riding the bus and want a car, then this theory can help you get what you want. Remember ladies that you are sitting on a pot of gold [I HOPE YOU ALL UNDERSTAND WHAT THE POT OF GOLD REALLY IS], so if need be sell that pot of gold.


I know some of you may be appalled at this suggestion, but its life. You females can get what you want simply by selling your pot of gold. By no means am I encouraging you all to prostitute but just know that this option is available. You can get what you want. Think of it like this: there are some people who give it up for free, so why not charge for your pot of gold and get something out of the deal.


So just remember that at the end of the day that you are sitting on a pot of gold [well most of you are!]. Some of you are sitting on some rusty copper, but hey its better than nothing so sell what you got.

The ArchiFord's Commandments

The ArchiFord's Commandments

After much deliberation I decided to switch my focus of the ArchiFord from the infamous topic of Shoning to other pertinent topics. Please enjoy, and give me your feedback.

1. Thou shalt not lie. I had to bring this commandment in because people feel the need to lie about every thing. You ask them a question and they just lie right between their teeth. You ask them "is it snowing outside" and they reply "Uh Yeah"; knowing darn well we live in Florida and it don't snow. People pleas be real, and stop lying. When you tell one lie, you have to tell another lie to cover up the lie you just told. Its just too confusing so just be honest.
   
2. Thou shalt not be a peasant. So you may ask what a peasant is. A peasant is a human being worthy of little to no human rights. Being a peasant is not a good thing. If you are a peasant then you are viewed as being of lesser value. I know in most cases you cannot change the hands you are dealt, but strive to be as non-peasantlike as possible.
3. Thou shalt not iGoon. I have said this over and over again but I guess my point has not been made clear. iGooning is not cool! If you can be big and bad hiding behind your computer screen then you can be big and bad in the presence of another. People stop writing in people honesty boxes with these crazy comments. Be a wo(man) about yours and stop concealing your identity. Do you have low self esteem or something? Are you hiding something yourself? Did you ride a little bitty bus to school? These are all questions that should be addressed the next time you consider iGooning.
   
4. Thou shalt not encounter flying cockroaches. Flying roaches are indeed UNCONSTITUTIONAL. These creatures should not exist and if you encounter these critters in life then I advise you all to take action against them. Beware because they do fly and will try yo attack, but they are just as scared of you as you are of them. Show these roaches who is bOSS!
5. Thou shalt not wear tight clothing. Ok, so I am tired of witnessing big girls wearing tight clothing. I mean I am happy that you all are comfortable in your own skin that you can wear what you want, but its not cute. Now I have nothing against big girls, I am all for girls looking nice. But what I am against is the yeast that is baking in the crevices of the tight clothing. This must stop immediately. I know I have a saying that says if you like it I love, but that doesnt apply for this.
6. Thou shalt not wear urban wear. Well, well, well where do I start on this topic. I guess I will start by discussing which brands you shouldn't wear: Baby Phat, Apple Bottom, Ecko, Pepe Jeans, South Pole... Umm these are the only ones that come to mind as of now, but im sure there are more. So people these days do not really wear urban wear anymore, I feel like this trend left us all in high School. I think that it is unconstitutional to wear baby phat at a Homecoming Ball [but thats just my opinion]. I definitely shouldnt see an individual wearing black tights, a gold bp skort, and a gold bp shirt [tHIS PERSON KNOWS WHO SHE IS!]. This is unconstitutional and kind of ethnic.
7. Thou shalt not have ugly hair-dos. Ok I heavily dislike seeing girls with messed up wraps and/or hairstyles. I understand that your hair is a delicacy that takes a lot of time to manage, however, it is not that hard to groom yourself before stepping foot out the door. I think that should be on your to do list when you wake up: Brush teeth, take shower, DO HAIR! And if you do not like managing your on hair than throw some weave in it, but dont just literally throw the weave in. I, as a male, should not be able to look at you and find every track in your head like connect the dots. DO better girls!! make sure there are not tracks showing and we will be ok. And if your hair is a mess dont judge others. Please and thank you!
8. Thou shalt not P-pop on a handstand. There isnt much that needs to be said about this. This commandment is pretty self explanatory. Just because you are flexible and have some rhythm does not mean it is okay to P-pop on a handstand in front of thousands of people. That is just unconstitutional, trashy, and classless.
   
9. Thou shalt not be a critic with no credibility. This is a very important one for me. I love how people who have no credibilty themselves are the 1st ones to talk about someone else. Practice what you preach. Your life is a mess and you want to talk about someone else. LMAO! Get it together! This goes back to my statement about bad hair. Do not be the person talking about another girls hair when your hair looks like a cat's nest.
   
10. Thou shalt not SHONE. OMG!!! You all know that I couldn't go the entire entry without mentioning SHONES! Shones are unconstitutional and inhumane. I have said enough about them so that is ALL!!!

If you all have any more commandments then feel free to comment and post them... Stay tuned for more entries to come!


**************New Amendments*************

11. Thou shall not smell early in the morning. It is unconstitutional for human beings to smell when they get on the bus at 9am. The day has just started and there are no excuses for your odor. If you have this problem feel free to bathe more than twice a day, and carry some deodorant with you at ALL times. We do not want to smell you or sit by you. Please and thank you!
12. Thou shall not wear open toe shoes with crusty toes. I know the world is with me when I say that I dont not like looking at crusty toes. Apply lotion daily and if you can get a pedicure. If you must waer open toes shoes, you need to ensure your toes look right. If our toes look a mess then wear boots for ever!!
13. Thou shall not be a GOON. I know you all are probably wondering what I mean bu be a goon. But what I mean is that you should not have to act like a goon 24/7. We all know you came from the projects, however UF is not the projects so we do not want to witness this coonery on a daily. Get it together and act civilized at some point! geez!!
14. Thou shall not Do THA MOST ALL THE TIME! There are some people that are just EXTRA for no reason. They feel the need to boast and gloat and walk around campus like they are the ish and know all. Please stop it! We all know that you are not cool! And the ones that are extra tend to not have any real friends, so stop being extra and maybe you will be liked.

SSU

SSU???

I'm sure you all may be wondering what in the world could this SSU be? I mean I am sure you have heard of BSU, ASU, and maybe even JSU, but never SSU. Well after a very informative BSU real talk session I came to the conclusion that another student union needs to be created. If you all are not aware students can create student organizations on campus. With this being said, we as concerned citizens and students of UF need to ban together to create one more organization. THIS ORGANIZATION IS NONE OTHER THAN THE SSU.

Now you wonder what the SSU stands for?

Well I am sure you all guessed it correctly. It is the Shone Student Union. Shones are a population at the University of Florida that is beginning to flourish. Their numbers are increasing and I think it would be great to get them an organization that they can call home.

Now you may wonder why or what purpose this org will serve for the community. However, you know me, I always have my reasons for things.

1. Foundation- This organization will provide a foundation and safe zone for shones/slores/whores or whatever other term you would like to use to describe them. Shones are known to break up happy homes, and therefore do not have any place for themselves, therefore this organization would be their temporary home.
2. Networking- we are all in college and know how important it is to networking. This org will enable shones to meet other big named shones on the campus, compare list, discuss shoning tactics, and execute new plans of action.
   
3. Competitions- The shones could enter in to contest to determine who is the biggest shone, or how many people I can shone with in one night, or how many friends can I shone with, or things like that.
4. Public Speaking- The organizations will also work on developing members speaking skills. If you all do not know shones are HABITUAL liars.. They lie about everything from their name to how old they are. this org will enable them to practice their lies for an audience to see if they sound valid.

Ok so now we see the purpose of SSU, but now we need officers. Below you will find descriptions on the officers:

• President: This is the HSIC (Head Shone In Charge); the requirements of this position include: shoning with friends, shoning with individuals twice your age, shoning to get positions in life.
• Vice President: This person is the next biggest shone in the organization. They have also shones with numerous individuals and do not care about who is affects.
  
• Treasurer: This individual must be a person who is a part time shone/part time prostitute. This person prostitutes to obtain funds for the organization. At times this hone gives it up for free, and other times this shone charges. Serves as the entrepreneur of the group.
  
• Secretary: This shone does all the dirty work. They are similar to Monica Lewinski with their ability to do all the deeds many people do not want to do. This person is willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done.
• PR Director: This is the shone recruiter of the group. There job is to actively recruit other shones who may be in denial or may be undercover.

Okay so we have the details of the org now, so it is time to get this org on the roll. The org will meet on Sundays (the Lords Day because they need to be sanctified with some Holy Oil.). The meetings will also occur on The SET (scaffolds will be set up so Shones can also stand proudly with their scarlet letters).

***I NEED ALL OF YOUR HELP TO GET THIS ORGANIZATION STARTED. I NEED YOU ALL TO RECOMMEND INDIVIDUALS WHO YOU DEEM WORTHY ENOUGH TO JOIN THIS ORGANIZATION. ANY LEVEL OF SHONERY IS WELCOMED. PLEASE RECRUIT. ALSO SUBMIT NAMES OR NOMINATE YOURSELVES FOR AN E-BOARD POSITION IS YOU FEEL THAT YOU CAN UPHOLD THE RESPONSIBILITIES.***

Thanks everyone and I look forward to getting all of these names of SHONES.